The Wackiest, Wildest & Weirdest ‘Florida Man’ Stories EVER!

Posted On Sep 11, 2020 By admin With Comments Off

Ahhh, Florida Man.

The viral tales that come out of the Sunshine State are so legendary, they have their very own category on our site. And the perpetrators of those incidents — collectively known as’ Florida Man’ — ever leave us shaking our intelligences! Where do they find these beings ?!

The very existence of the Florida Man meme got us think: of all the crazy s ** t that’s come out of America’s wildest regime, what’s the weirdest? The wackiest? Where do we even begin ??? We attempted to make sense of that with a exhaustive roll( below ). Forgive us for this one, y’all! LOLz!

Without further ado, Florida Man…

…Commits Murder One Day After Leaving Jail Early On COVID-1 9 Release Florida man commits murder one day after being let out on COVID-19 early release system Edward Williams( envisioned in his mugshot, above) is now facing second-degree murder blames./( c) Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office

Joseph Williams was one of more than 100 inmates released in March 2020 from a Florida prison as part of a public health order to lower the risk of spreading COVID-1 9. But not even one day later he was back in police imprisonment after allegedly killing a male nearly immediately upon being exhausted from jail during the pandemic broom. Dude…

The craziest part is that the 26 -year-old Williams, who had previously been arrested dozens of terms in the past covering at least 35 previous bills (!), would’ve walked completely free from his first legal quandary thanks to the administrative lineup smothering the pandemic! That directive was just trying to clear low-level , non-violent culprits out of the system so the government authority could coordinate its greater pandemic response plan.

Yeah, so much for that…

Contents[ hide]

1 … Commits Murder One Day After Leaving Jail Early On COVID-1 9 Release

2 … Steals Millions In COVID-1 9 Relief Store To Buy Himself A Lamborghini !

3 … Shoots And Kills Son-In-Law At His Own Surprise Birthday Party

4 … Tries To Order A’ Blunt’ At Burger King !

5 … Gets High In The Maternity Ward While His Wife Has Their Baby !

6 … Calls The Cops Looking For A Fight, Hits On Female Dispatcher, And Then …

7 … Beat Up A Pregnant Woman Because He Thought She Had Coronavirus !

8 … Stabs Couple To Death And Get Caught Eating Their Bodies

9 … Do Arrested For Returning Dozens Of USED Enemas To Pharmacy !

10 … Leaves His 10 -Month Old In The Care Of A Pit Bull

… Steals Millions In COVID-1 9 Relief Store To Buy Himself A Lamborghini! Florida man charged after allegedly purchasing a Lamborghini with COVID-19 small business relief funds! David T. Hines, 29, is facing three felonies after allegedly victimizing the government of nearly$ 4 million in COVID-1 9 aid stores./ Miami-Dade Amendment/ YouTube

David T. Hines was charged with three offenses by the US Department of Justice after he supposedly applied for millions in COVID-1 9 succour fund-related lends, exclusively to use the money for a new 2020 Lamborghini Huracan for himself, rather than payroll outlays as required under the loans.

According to government allegations, Hines defrauded the coronavirus pandemic-related relief fund of virtually$ 4 million, spend the money on dating services and high-end eateries and forbids across south Florida, in addition to the $ 300,000 brand-new vehicle. Caught red-handed — like, literally, when governments arrested Hines they recovered $3.4 million! — he now faces serious consequences for his terrifying pandemic desire!

…Shoots And Kills Son-In-Law At His Own Surprise Birthday Party

Surprise birthday parties and handguns really don’t concoction. In early October 2019, a Norwegian man named Christopher Bergan wing to Gulf Breeze, Florida to surprise his father-in-law Richard Dennis for his 61 st birthday defendant. To accomplish the surprise, Bergan secreted in the bushes in Dennis’ backyard on his very first night in Florida, waiting to jump out to surprise the man with his carefully laid-out plan.

Just one( disastrous) difficulty: Dennis, who had been startled earlier in the night with another family member slamming on his entrance, mistook Bergan for an intruder when the younger man climbed in startle, and the 61 -year-old shot his son-in-law. Regrettably, Dennis’ propose was perfect — the bullet croaked straight-shooting through Bergan’s stomach — and the younger man died at the situation. Police probed but ultimately regulated free of charge ought to be filed in this tragic, unfortunate, and somehow uniquely Florida-esque case of unfounded identity…

…Tries To Order A’ Blunt’ At Burger King! Man arrested after asking to buy drugs at Burger King drive-thru Shawn Porter originated the mistake of asking for” a soften and some herbs” at a BK drive-thru in Deltona!/( c) WENN

They say you can’ Have It Your Way’ at Burger King but, uhhhh, surely their marketing agency didn’t mean it like this, right? Back in December of 2011, then-3 2-year-old Shawn Porter was arrested by police in Deltona, Florida after he “jokingly” attempted to order” a dampen and some herbs” while going through a BK drive-thru. The quick-thinking cashier — who, by the way, apparently smelled marijuana arriving from the jokester’s car when he pulled up to the window — wrote down his license plate number and called the cops.

By the time Porter got home, a agent was waiting at his home, and arrested him for narcotic control after see 28 grams of pan in his gondola. Oops! No word on whether Porter ever came that” deaden and some herbs” he’d been looking for, but his little run-in with police here provides as an important reminder: don’t lineup pharmaceuticals in the drive-thru at Burger King! Even if you’re in Florida!

…Gets High In The Maternity Ward While His Wife Has Their Baby! Florida man arrested for getting high in the maternity ward while his wife was giving birth! This probably wasn’t the” baby’s first remembrance” his wife was hoping for …/( c) Martin County Jail

Dude couldn’t you, like, wait until you got home at least ???

A man from Jupiter, Florida was arrested for getting high at a hospital in the town of Stuart, Florida back in 2014. David Bastin was busted by policemen for cannabis control at Martin Medical Center, and eventually locked up on a $1500 attachment, charged with possession of smokes and dose paraphernalia. No big cheese, right? Simply a bit weed bust … uhh, at a hospital?

Well, fiine … until you learn the reason he was at the hospital in the first place was because his wife had just been admitted to the maternity ward to give birth to the couple’s child! Wait, WHAT ?! Look, we can totally get behind a hesitant dad-to-be trying to let off some steam with a little weed, but how do you get busted and to imprisonment for it while your partner is giving birth ?? Seriously ?! We suspense she experienced bailing him out of jail after that!

…Calls The Cops Looking For A Fight, Hits On Female Dispatcher, And Then … Florida man calls cops, hits on female dispatchers, threatens fight, gets arrested Eduardo Raoul Garcia’s 2015 booking photo from the accidents following his proceeds at the dispatcher …/( c) Fruitland Park Police Department

It all started penalize — St. Augustine resident Eduardo Raoul Garcia called the cops one day back in 2015 to report a threatening phone call that he’d gotten. So far, so good! But immediately, those discussions with the dispatcher devolved, and Garcia started hitting on her, telling her about his” big-hearted muscles ,” and asking if she were single before hanging up. How insulting! He announced back again — twice, actually — before police from the Fruitland Park Police Department did their way out to his location. Once there, they noticed four beer cans lying by Garcia’s surface — ahhh, suddenly an explanation for so many progress at the dispatcher!

But the 44 -year-old refused to pack it in there, and eventually challenged the officers to a fight, threatening to head butt one of them. A group of patrolman subjugated the intoxicated chap and made him in back of one of the conference of the parties gondolas … where he proceeded to spit through the bars and onto one of the officers in the front seat. Stay hot, Eduardo! Seriously, nonsensical arrests happen in pretty much every district all the time, but where else but Florida can you find a chap who calls the police to set himself up for the drop-off ?! We just wonder if he ever got his date with that dispatcher … Ha !!!

…Beats Up A Pregnant Woman Because He Thought She Had Coronavirus! Florida man attacks pregnant woman because he thought she had coronavirus! That’s one bad trip, adult./( c) Lee County Sheriff’s Office

Right when the coronavirus pandemic smack a fever pitch in early 2020, Cape Coral resident Joseph Newell was evidently more worried about it than most people … but the practice he allegedly extended about defending himself against the virus (?!) was both quite wrong and entirely outraging. The 24 -year-old man was arrested by officers from the Cape Coral PD for drumming and strangling a woman who was six months pregnant, all because he speculated she had the coronavirus! Dude, WTF ?!

According to reports from the place, patrolmen arrived to find Newell ” straddling” the pregnant victim on the field, with his hands around his cervix and perforating wildly at her face. Cops eventually plucked him off and detained him; the status of women was taken to the hospital for medicine, though it wasn’t immediately clear “whats happened to” her in the aftermath of the attack. It’s also uncertain whether Newell even knew her to begin with, though patrolmen “re saying he” knew she was pregnant — and, perhaps not astonishingly he was intoxicated at the time of the two attacks. Of route, when you construe his mugshot( above )… yeah…

…Stabs Couple To Death And Do Caught Eating Their Bodies Florida man murders couple, caught eating their faces Austin Harrouff was just a normal university student until, well …/( c) Martin County Sheriff’s Department

Back in 2016, policemen in Tequesta came across a horrible doubled carnage in which a 21 -year-old man stabbed to death an older duo in their home. Worse even than the dire crime itself, when Martin County Sheriff’s agents arrived at the home, they allegedly found the suspected invader — a worker referred Austin Harrouff — cannibalizing the main victims. He’d too” pierced and seriously wounded” a neighbor who apparently tried to come and help the dying couple in their occasion of need. Holy s ** t…

At the time, police officers were worried that the medication “flakka” may have been central to the attack and Harrouff’s allegedly frightening post-killing wars, though in recent months attorneys have called the accidents as part of an” acute psychotic escapade” the young man was suffering at the time of the incident. He’d first been scheduled to go to trial in May 2020, though that was pushed back in favor of a second mental health evaluation. No kidding…

…Gets Arrested For Returning Dozens Of USED Enemas To Pharmacy! Florida man caught returning used enemas to Jacksonville-area CVS stores! WTF?! This is about the look you’d expect of a gentleman who’s allegedly been jam-pack up and returning applied enemas …/( c) Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office

Dude, what the F ** K ?! Back in 2012, a then-3 4-year-old Florida man was arrested and eventually impeached on accuses of buying enemas at CVS pharmacy supermarkets, have them, and then returning them to the places in re-sealed packaging as though he’d never expended them before! Uggghhhhh !!!! What a s ** tty thing to do!

According to news reports, Ronald Eugene Robinson utilized and returned multiple enemas on at least 12 different occasions to numerous CVS accumulates in the Jacksonville area throughout that year. Worse still, the used rectal material was unsuspectingly re-sold to at least 21 other customers who must’ve gotten residence merely to open the box and find … GROSS! Just, unbelievably blatant !!! We don’t even know what else to say about this one!

…Leaves His 10 -Month Old In The Care Of A Pit Bull Florida man leaves pit bull in charge of ten month old baby! James Irvine’s 2012 booking photo in Flagler County, Florida …/( c) Flagler County Incarcerate

We love hounds as much as the next party, but is everything all right … back in 2012, Florida Man James Irvine left his 10 -month-old baby under the supervision of the family pit bull while he decided to go out imbibing at the bar! Apparently, the baby’s( far more responsible) father left the child with Irvine exclusively for a few hours while she had to go to work. But instead of, ya know, doing what he had to do for the baby, Irvine supposedly decided he’d rather move imbibing, and left the child at home. Not to worry, though, because when he was finally reached by the frenetic mother, he supposedly told her things were fine because” the pitbull was watching the baby .” Oookay!

The careless man was arrested by policemen in Flagler County and taken to jail to be booked on child endangerment commissions. He was later released on $1,500 bail. Thankfully, and most importantly, the child was unharmed while under oversight of the crater bull. Good dog! Not so good dad…

So there you have it, Perezcious readers! Exactly another set of TOTALLY NORMAL narratives about the wildest, weirdest, wackiest somebodies from Florida! YIKES !!!

[ Image via Hillsborough/ Jacksonville/ Lee County/ Martin County Sheriff’s Place/ WENN]

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