The first 24 hours of the Melania documentary rollout have been a group project in dunking.
It’s a “$75 million bribe,” as critics have framed it. It’s a “vanity doc.” It’s “empty theaters.” It’s “why are tech CEOs at the White House,” and somehow it’s also “boycott Apple.”
The internet has already decided what this movie means. And that decision has almost nothing to do with what’s actually on screen.
That’s the part worth pausing on. The reaction reveals something uglier than a bad documentary. It reveals how quickly a human being is reduced to a prop when the culture war needs content.
Why the Pile-on Is So Loud
This movie was always going to be judged like a political act because the rollout basically begged people to do that.
The price tag became the plot. Amazon reportedly paid $40 million for the rights and spent another $35 million onmarketing. Those numbers are so inflated that they instantly became accusations rather than curiosity.
The premiere was theatrical, but the access was not.Major outlets, including The Washington Post, The New York Times, and Vanity Fair,reported that they were not granted tickets to the invite-only screening itself, even as they covered the red carpet.That only inflamed the suspicion that the film is more “message” than “movie.”
The director controversy isn’t background noise. Brett Ratner is part of the story, whether the film wants that or not.
The “empty chairs” narrative writes itself. Reports of sparse screenings and low attendance travel faster than any review ever will.
The score discourse is clickbait fuel. Early aggregator numbers were weaponized immediately because a percentage is easier to share than an actual critique.
The Apple Boycott Thing
Tim Cook attended a private White House screening. Some people online called for a boycott. The outrage mostly focused on Apple, even though other powerful attendees were there as well.
But if you make that the headline, you miss the real mechanism. This film has become a magnet for every suspicion people already had about money, power, and influence. The CEOs are just the most memeable proof.
The irony is that the boycott chatter doesn’t actually require anyone to have seen the film. The event itself is the content.
The Part Everyone Is Skipping: What It’s Like To Be the Symbol
Even if you think this film is propaganda. Even if you think it’s cynical. Even if you think the price tag is absurd. There’s still a person at the center of it, and the culture has decided she is not allowed to be treated like one.
MELANIA, the film
A Historic MomentI am deeply humbled to have been surrounded by an inspiring room of friends, family, and cultural iconoclasts at the White House last night. Each of these individuals each brought their unique vision to the world, making a lasting… pic.twitter.com/NmAUuEQp2L
— MELANIA TRUMP (@MELANIATRUMP) January 25, 2026
Melania’s public identity has always been written by other people. The silent wife. The glamorous immigrant. The hostage. The ice queen. The brand. She rarely corrects any of it, so the internet fills the silence with whatever story it finds most satisfying.
This documentary was obviously meant to take control of that narrative—to present her as a mother, a businesswoman, a philanthropist, and a first lady again. And that’s exactly why it’s getting torched. Not because it’s inherently unwatchable. Because it’s trying to rewrite a character the audience thinks it already owns.
What’s Fair, Even if You’re a Hater
You don’t have to like Melania to do the basic grown-up thing here.
Judge the film on what it is, not what you need it to represent. If it’s stage-managed, say that. If it’s revealing, say that. If it’s dull, say that.
But the current cycle—”flop, bribe, boycott, empty seats”—is mostly people reacting to a marketing campaign and a price tag, not to the work itself.
We’ve already reviewed the press cycle. The movie is still waiting for its turn.
Watch it first. Roast it second.
