Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Shots In Arms FRIDAY!

Posted On Aug 13, 2021 By admin With Comments Off

Late Night Snark: TGIF Grab Bag Edition

“Vice President Kamala Harris praised Texas Democrats’ plan to leave the state ahead of a Republican-led effort to pass a restrictive brand-new voting ordinance. ‘Hey, I was leaving Texas way before it was cool, ‘ said Ted Cruz.” –Seth Meyers

“It does raise the matter: If you’re chosen by God to be above the government, why do you care who’s in charge of it? ” –Stephen Colbert, on Capitol insurrectionist Pauline Bauer, who claimed in tribunal that she’s a “divine entity” not subject to federal law.

Continued…

You are now below the fold. Don’t get the bends on your course back up.

“The state of Tennessee is attaining story after they decided to stop promoting vaccines for teenagers for any disease, including covid. That might clarify a few of their new commonwealth mottos: Tennessee–come for the music, remain for the polio.

Here’s another: Tennessee–Nine words, just like hepatitis.

And eventually: Tennessee–the only remedy kids need is Jack Daniels.” –Jimmy Fallon

“I dream of a period when space travel is available not only to billionaires, but to every person with a net worth of over $500 million.” –Conan O’Brien

Of course a chicken is representing chicken. https :// t.co/ kK3RzP9ujF

— Full Frontal (@ FullFrontalSamB) July 15, 2021

–

“Maybe Justice Breyer doesn’t want to retire because he meditates a deserving permutation isn’t out there. The good story is, I’m available! Now, I don’t have a law degree, and I’m pretty sure habeus corpus is a sex fetish, but I belief I’m perfect for the state supreme court. I’m judgmental, I’ve watched hundreds of hours of Law and Order…and you’ll never have to replace me because I’ve previously pre-recorded beliefs for every possible case after I die.[ Like ,] if you don’t like Congress taxing time travel, go back in time and do something about it! ” –Lewis Black on The Daily Show

I bet it’ll be so hard for anyone having a baby this July to refuse appoint them The 2020 Tokyo Olympics –Andy Richter

And now, our feature presentation…

–

Cheers and Jeers for Friday, July 16, 2021

Note: 7777777777 7777777777 7777777777 7777 Sorry about that. Had to clean some nacho cheese off my 7 key. All better now. — Mgt.

–

By the Numbers 😛 TAGEND

cheersandjeers 35 days!!!

Days ’til the start of the Tokyo Olympics: 7

Days ’til the Western Idaho State Fair in Boise: 35

Average number of people shot and killed per month in road rage occurrences in 2020, roughly doubled the monthly median of the prior four years: 42

Number of refunds going out the coming week to taxpayers who overpaid on their 2020 unemployment insurance benefits: 4 million

Expected wait time if you apply for an “expedited” passport by paying an additional $60, according to the State Department: 12 weeks

Percent chance that Italy simply boycotted giant dysentery-carrying contamination machines known as “cruise ships” from skippering into Venice: 100%

Percent of the waste water that’s recycled aboard the ISS: 93%

–

Puppy Pic of the Day:

this is the cutest stalk i’ve ever seen pic.twitter.com/ k4LI4ZtB3E

— Humor And Swine (@ humorandanimals) July 12, 2021

–

CHEERS to spend America’s money wisely. Republicans love to use the phrase “I’m from the government and I’m here to help” as a punch line, principally because when they control the federal government they have neither the ability nor the inclination to actually help anyone but the right-wing grifter class. So here’s what it looks like when Democrats are in power and get down to the business of helping: starting yesterday, most parents will get monthly cash payments–aka “Biden bucks”–to support their kids’ needs( no, that doesn’t include your gamble tickets, Schlitz, or cigaboos, Mom and Dad ):

The pays, which were included in the American Rescue Plan, alteration an existing tax credit by expanding the eligibility pool and increasing the money families get. Under the expanded credit, the IRS, also for the first time, offers the option to receive the payments monthly, rather than in a lump sum as a excise refund.

cheersandjeers The child-poverty-slasher-in-chief.

The expanded remittances are expected to dramatically abridge the number of children living in poverty; the White House estimates that child poverty could be reduced by as much as 50 percent.

“This major middle-class tax relief and step in reducing child poverty is a remarkable economic victory for America–and likewise a moral one, ” Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said in a statement.

Trickle-up financials. Why, it’s really not crazy enough to work.

P.S. For our red-hatted cultist readers 😛 TAGEND

Moral, adj .: impounding or showing high principles for proper conduct. Honourable, good, upstanding.

Or, in speech they can understand: “Og, og! Og og og! Og! ”

JEERS to meddlesome meddling. Remember when the red-hatted cultist machine freaked out about the rumor that Joe Biden was planning to send beings out to go door to door administering the COVID vaccine?( They’re really coming after your firearms and your Bibles! Whatever happened to the sacred privacy rights? They’re gonna microchip us !) Well, in Arizona, the imitation auditeers have screwed up so bad that they’re now talking about…actually going door-to-door to bother 2020 voters about their votes( and probably steal their guns and Bibles ):

The result[ of their incompetence] could be proletarians from Cyber Ninjas showing up at the doors of some voters to try to resolve them.

cheersandjeers Will they be taking their act to people’s homes next?

Senate President Karen Fann confirmed that she is considering return the go-ahead for that despite being told earlier this year by the U.S. Department of Justice that “raises concerns regarding potential intimidation of voters.’SSSS

The fraudit isn’t the only thing going ineptly( by design) for the scheme nuts. Maricopa County Superior Court Judge Michael Kemp governed yesterday that Republicans in the government Senate and their Cyber Ninja overlords can’t keep their documents secret, including the identities of their financial benefactors, saying it “would be an absurd result and undercut Arizona’s strong public policy in favor of permitting access to records reflecting bureaucratic activity.” But it’s not all vanishing gravely down there for them–on Monday Arizona will celebrate its newest legislature-approved state holiday: Bamboo Fiber Liberation Day. Please: flaming your handguns into the air willy-nilly responsibly.

CHEERS to igniting one helluva candle. Today is the 52 nd commemoration of the liftoff of Apollo 11, when we sent three biologically-active bags of water into the coldnes and unforgiving void known as “space” in a tin can filled with blinking lights and Tang for a week or two. Cronkite’s understatement: “Oh, son, What a moment.” Watch it on the way back machine…

YouTube Video

–

The mission would fulfill a vision set forth by President John F. Kennedy eight years earlier to position a boy on the moon before decade’s end, and would culminate with Neil Armstrong’s immortal paroles four weeks later: “That’s one small-minded pace for a guy, one beings leap for … Mmmm! Hey guys, it’s cheddar! “

–

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

–

A collection of me turning into random objects. pic.twitter.com/ ValPdPNJIj

— Kevin Parry (@ kevinbparry) July 13, 2021

–

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

–

CHEERS to the current chain of command. Seventy-four years ago Sunday, on July 18, 1947, President Truman indicated the Presidential Succession Act, which clearly establishes who makes over if the president dies or is otherwise unfitted. Here’s the current lineup, which is a sight better than what it was like a year ago 😛 TAGEND

Vice President Kamala Harris( First lady director? Fine by me .)

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi( She’d be the first chairman to brandish a gavel behind the Resolute Desk .)

cheersandjeers And when climate change impacts kills off humanity, Clarissa here becomes despot for life.

President pro tempore of the Senate Patrick Leahy( Free Ben& Jerry’s for everybody .)

Sec. of State Antony Blinken( A. Blinken ?… Abe Lincoln? I say he should be allowed to leapfrog to the top for that .)

Sec. of the Treasury Janet Yellen( Can we just pause for a moment to thank all the gods above that Steve Mnuchin is gone…and to too ask if all the gold in Fort Knox was accounted for after he left ?)

Gary the House Janitor( In fairness, if he can clean up vomit in the school cafeteria, he can probably cleaning process Washington .)

Dopey( This would not be good because he’d be dwarfed by world events .)

After that they just start proceed random mentions out of Congresswoman Virginia Foxx’s girdle.

CHEERS to home botany. A immediate summary of some of the eyestuff that may end upon your Tv this weekend. Chris, Rachel, and Lawrence’s guest host lead things off on MSNBC. And that’s it, truly, for tonight, so you might want to dive into something streaming via whatever watches good at Rotten Tomatoes.

cheersandjeers The windmill defect at the British Open scoots a good deal of hopes.

Sports: the baseball schedule is here( the Yankees are in for more blameless mistreat by the Red Sox this weekend, and we’re here for it ). Game 5 of the NBA finals between the Strapping Young Bucks and My Three Suns breezes tomorrow evening on ABC. And even if you don’t pass a caddie’s p’tootey about golf, hazards are you’ll take an occasional cursory look at the manager committee for the 149th British Open( 7am tomorrow on NBC, with spotlights at 3pm for us sleeper-inners ), happening at Royal St. George’s in Sandwich, home to the dreaded Welsh rarebit traps and lakes of flaming haggis.

On 60 Minutes: encore reports on autism, COVID, and the adventure of six teenages stranded on a deserted island. And now here’s your Sunday morning lineup 😛 TAGEND

Meet the Press: TBA

This Week: TBA

cheersandjeers Not sure why, but my neighbor Gladys Higginbotham, aka “Mrs. TBA, ” seen here times before closing her window blinds, is the lone guest on three of the Sunday depicts.

Face the Nation: Springfield, MO Mayor Ken McClure; onetime chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mike Mullin; Executive Director of the Center for Election Innovation& Research David Becker; onetime lead of the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency Chris Krebs; former FDA commissioner Scott Gottlieb; new survey quantities from CBS News Elections& Surveys Director Anthony Salvanto; CBS News Business Analyst Jill Schlesinger.

CNN’s State of the Union: TBA

Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sen. Bill Cassidy( CULT-LA ).

Happy viewing!

–

Fifteen years ago in C& J: July 16, 2006

JEERS to the other Tuesday massacre. In Iraq, bombards killed 60 people yesterday, including that went off across the street from the frickin’ Green Zone. Thank God Don Rumsfeld was available to make a surprise visit there to visit his self-described “Army “youve had” , not the Army you might want or wish to have at a later time.” He’s cuddly.

–

And time one more…

CHEERS to the building eggscitement. Sunday is National Caviar Day. I’m sure you’re itching, as I am, to send the butler to the walk-in refrigerator to dip into your resplendent basin of roe. But before you do, make sure he’s not gonna f* ck it up 😛 TAGEND

Fine caviar should never be served with or stored in metal because of oxidation which can impart a metal flavour to the berries( yes, that what each little egg is properly announced ). Serve caviar very cold and huddled inside another container or receptacle that holds sparkler to keep it fresh and cool.

cheersandjeers Choose your brand wisely. You are aware of the old saying: “Caviar Emptor.”