Whether you’re operating a John Deere tractor in central Nebraska or dining on caviar nightly in a Manhattan penthouse, you can become the victim of adultery. Man, woman, short, tall, or otherwise, partners stray and break hearts. It turns out, though, that you may be more at risk of cuckolding if you live in a select few cities.
1. Miami, FL
Online “dating” site Ashley Madison examined its users’ location data (that seems unethical somehow, even for a site that promotes adultery). Leadership found that Miami was the home of the most Ashley Madison users.
Between the 24/7 sunshine, white parties (where clothes aren’t the only white thing), rampant cosmetic enhancements, and general YOLO attitude that rules South Beach, is it any surprise that Miamians can’t keep it in their pants?
2. Orlando, FL
Do you know what would go perfectly with those Mickey Mouse ears you paid $30 for while at Magic Kingdom with the wife and kids? Another backstabbing married person you can indulge in sins of the flesh with!
Loads of Orlando residents are looking for trouble. By trouble, we mean someone to have a hot, heavy, ultimately unfulfilling and ruinous affair with.
3. Atlanta, GA
Ludacris’ hit song “Welcome to Atlanta” encapsulates Atlanta’s hot-blooded culture with lines like “Welcome to Atlanta where the players play” and “Saturday is off the heezy fo’ sheezy.” If you’re looking for morally bankrupt partners who don’t mind helping you cheat on your spouse, a city that is “off the heezy” seems like a logical place to be.
4. Las Vegas, NV
If you’re desirable enough to find a spouse, temptation will almost certainly come your way. Those wavering in their fidelity to their spouse might be served to avoid Sin City.
You can’t walk down the Vegas Strip without being accosted by someone handing out pamphlets for ladies (or men) of the night. The bright lights and general irresponsibility of Las Vegas hardly scream “long, faithful marriage.”
5. Tampa, FL
Is there something in the Florida orange juice that makes locals uncontrollably virile? Tampa is one of multiple Floridian cities keeping Ashley Madison in business. It’s probably no coincidence that Tampa is among the most magnetic hubs of gentlemen’s clubs in the United States.
6. Cincinnati, OH
From Miami to Vegas to…Cincinnati? One of these things is not like the other. Cincinnati is like Miami and Vegas because it has a high volume of Ashley Madison users.
Our hero Harambe would be shaking his fist in disappointment, Cincinnatians.
7. Minneapolis, MN
*Cue the Ghostbusters instrumental*
When the winter hits, and your wife’s love quits, who you gonna call? Ashley Madison!
When the lake is frozen and your hubby’s dozing, who are you gonna call? Ashley Madison!
(I ain’t afraid of no divorce)
Jokes aside, call a marriage counselor instead.
8. Saint Paul, MN
The Twin Cities of Minnesota prove the phrase “double trouble” true. We know that colder, darker climates increase alcohol consumption. Intoxication is not separated from Minnesotans’ decisions to throw their vow to the bitter winter winds.
9. Buffalo, NY
When we think of Buffalo, NY, a few defining hallmarks come to mind: Buffalo wings. Bills Mafia. Nearby Niagara Falls. Infidelity.
That last item only recently became a Buffalo staple courtesy of the Ashley Madison user population report.
10. Pittsburgh, PA
Geographers claim that Pittsburgh, PA, is part of America’s Rust Belt, but Pittsburghers are wholly up-to-date in the art of belt removal. There’s nothing rusty about that skillset.
11. Denver, CO
We already know that countless Denver residents caught with the Ashley Madison app on their phones have blamed it on legalization. We know the modern stuff is strong, but is it “have an affair” strong? We’ll leave it to your scorned spouse to determine that.
12. Cleveland, OH
We didn’t know Clevelanders got down like that. One must drown out the sorrow of the latest failed Browns season (or surviving another Lake Erie winter) by seeking out strangers.
Let’s be real for a second, Clevelanders. Your Ashley Madison profile is mostly wishful thinking, isn’t it?
13. Tucson, AZ
The desert heat produces some crazy, lustful thoughts. Good luck convincing your spouse that the 110-degree heat is solely responsible for your infidelity.
