In a little bit of a pickle… all of it appears so hopeless. Help?

Posted On Sep 9, 2019 By admin With Comments Off

Sooo where do i begin … I am a 30 ish year old-fashioned male husband and father( son is 5ish) i tour for effort and am croak alot of the time. I have courtroom tomorrow over a trespas Domestic cruelty dispute in which was brought about in early July. I am not a man who believes it is right to affected women and have not collision her. She says i am narcicisstic and emotionally abusive and ought to have over the last 8 years of such relationships. Now i dont personally think i am either of those( although i may be frugal) i have never been seeking to deprive her of her money or tell her that she can and cant spend her coin on what she wants. I compensate about 75% of the greenbacks and have for the last 5 years weve been living together. We have separate reports, i approximate we just never got joint accountings and i do not have access to her main checking account( i would think i monetary tyrant would ?). In the last 3 years we have bought a house and have been okay in terms of finances, never been rich or rich however do okay and have the things we like and delightful drapes and the fridge stands stocked) I arriving from a inadequate upbringing and guess i have always just wanted to have a cushion and i think thats where my frugality comes from. I have worked 12 hr+ eras for most of my adult life and in recent years have made it get to me a little more than ordinary. I guess what im saying is in reflection i think i was an asshole sometimes and maybe a little impatient with their own families( This is something i recollect from my dad when i was young, he was a good leader but i was always scared to ask things of him and we werent especially close as he was always tired after exertion and wanted to relax ). I is well aware that he attended about and enjoyed me and tried his hardest( he was a young papa 15 years old when i was born ). She has always said that it shouldnt significance if im tired and that i still have responsibilities at home. I do agree with that as it is true and logical …. i predict i just wanted her to cut me a little break sometimes. As far as i view relationships and how i gave ours … it is 2019 no longer should there be gender roles i.e if i get home first i cook, clean and vice versa. If you cant view a partner as equal than thats not much of a partner right? In 2012( its first year she became pregnant with my son) i developed a bad habit while i was away working and she was alone at home most of the time. I started doing methamphetamines and it spiraled out of control pretty quickly to the point we lost our apartment and she had to go through the later part of her gestation and the early part of our lads life at her leaders residence. During this time i was not myself, i went through being homeless, and alot of other heinous substance that hurts to think about. She was there for me and stayed with me through alot of shocking shit( i cheated, i lied, and was an overall fucking shit until one day my daddy finally moved me down and somehow persuasion me to go to treatment for my craving) My dad saved my life and i went to a program in my hometown where i lived in a dormitory and paid fee and relearned alot of important knowledge that are vital for a regular epoch to day life. I attented regular fulfills and was made to take regular drug tests and preserved accountable. I was secreted from the program after about four months and went to live with family in the same town. At the end of the same year i had gotten a really good job and we were able to move out to a condo and we have lived together since. I had a very good job throughout this whole time until about 4 months ago when i left to get back in an aged manufacture where i am currently and where i travel alot but make a pretty good annual salary. over the years we have done well and been overall jolly joyou( i think ?) and achieved a lot of things like i said( buying a house et .) that we wanted to. Well around last october my mom was released from prison and the pharmaceutical gradually snuck its direction back into my life …. on halloween i used meth before we went to see one of my partners friends gatherings … she found evidence and announced me out on it in a very concerned manner … commonly she wouldve flung her shit, left and made a big deal out of it but this time she was truly concerned. She enjoyed me alot this i know. I told her the truth and said i was just curious and it wouldnt last. It is now august and since then she has found meth hidden in my truck or other arranges multiple times …. she has been upset about it but for the most part was able to look past it because i am still successful and have realized sure the bills were paid and preserved succeeding systematically. A few eras “shes had” located jolly substantial amounts and was indicated that she reddened it or had moved sea on it and gone rid of it. A little embarassing but the main reason i tried it again was to use it as sort of a viagra if you will. Our sex life became a little boring over the past year and i could sense that she wiould move back and was not very interested the majority of members of the time( i.e tired , not tonight and precisely overall not very excited to bone) in october when i tried it again this did vary and things between us in the bedroom have been totally different) In may i left my job i was at for about 5 years and went back to the job i was at when i started use( got a nice offer and figured i would get away and do the right thing and discontinue exerting alltogether. I was working a rotational schedule where i would work about 30 epoches and then come home for a week or so. In july when i came home right before the 4th of july i was out very late one night on a sunday i believe and she had work the next day i got a text from a friend who had gotten a pair and went to pick him up and make him dwelling … i got home about 6am as she was getting ready for work i could tell that she was pissed. She said she wasnt mad but something did seem strange. She went to work and i started cleaning up the house and working on a vehicle thats been sitting for a while at the chamber of representatives. I fell asleep in our bunked and resolved up leaving my paraphernalia on the dining room table … turns out she came home and knew this as i was sleeping so she called my father to have an intervention. I woke up after making 31 days straight 15 hourish daylights … and then driving 12 hrs straight-from-the-shoulder from work on the last … to an intervention i was not ready for. My dad and bride is now in the living room asking me what i was doing and telling me i should come home from where i was working( if i could i would change what i did next a million times over, it recurs me to this day) i initially repudiated the drug use and said i had just been working alot and then my bride started to pack her stuff and said she was leaving with our son. At this time i freaked out, asked my dad to leave and when he wouldnt i hit him and constructed him leave( this i am absolutely ashamed of) just leave and my spouse called the police. I shoved her on the way out( not very hard but still shouldnt have) i got in my vehicle and left. About a block away i realized that i had no wallet or telephone so turned around to grab them i figured i would go eat and clear my ability. As i get back she is on the phone with 911 and in a madnes i guess i punch her vehicle( place swiped it pretty good and then went out and proceeded to kick the door which i likewise messed up pretty good) i was looking at her hurt and outraged querying her why she was doing this. She said you did this … you did. I left the house again without get my keys or wallet and then eventually stupidly decided to come back. This time i was pulled over about a block away from my house … the police took a look at her car and said they were similar to the size of my paw and i went to jail that day. Fast forward I have not been able to go home since that day and only been able to see my lad one time( that was nice 😉 ). Since then my bride has made it clear that she is scared of me and has been very adament about enforcing protection of the rights ordering issued by the state in any DV case. She has made it clear that she misses a break-up and ultimately to hire a arbitrator to divide resources and figure out a parenting planned. This killed me …. i love my family and want nothing more than to try and fix things. I have been willing to acknowledge that i do have issues with anger at times and addiction and have made very clear that i am willing to go to therapy, counseling and to the things it will take to illustration things out. She has said that she cannot forgive me and doesnt believe we will ever be back together. Over the last couple months i have been a shell of myself still having to travel to a residence i dislike, slog long hours and offer all of our reciprocal proposals with no help from her. Havent been able to speak with my lad much and she is using the protection order to enforce that. I dont want to accept the divorce i honestly cant believe this is real … it all happened so fast and i am very sad and lonely at this spot. Now i must add that there were a few occasions since about april i had noticed my wife been acting so weird( trembling while putting on makeup, the direction she was having sex was much more intense than normal, and one time when we were arguing she said without realizing “maybe youre the one thats on meth !!! she recognise what she said and then came genuinely placid. i dismissed this and entered it apart. One of the last terms i was home with her we sat and i mentioned in a roundabout way that i know what was going on and i know what this shit is and does … that i accused myself for accompanying it around and that “shes not” me she was better than me and that she shouldnt do this shit. She did not deny she hung her honcho and remained hushed. One of the times i was home last( after the incedent) she let me to grab some invests of mine and in one of my clothes baskets was her hair brushing … a brushing id examined her exert daily for the last 3 years. I made tests of her whisker off of this cover and sent it in to a government grade forensics lab. This lab does toxicology, postmortem, dna, desecration paraphernalium testing … the whole shabang. The rationale i routed this in is because i had to know for myself what was happening. She is at our home with my son and she has not been willing to talk to me not even once. I have told her that i will file for a joint divorce( she questioned and was being very pushy about me doing it fast) i asked her if i could call and speak to her about the mediation and what to expect she said she wasnt ready to talk to me. She has said this everytime i ask and it has been a very painful thing for me emotionally. There was a time about a month ago i spoke with my lad on skype and he was acting like he had come into contact with meth … so i saved the videos. Fast forward a little 2 days ago i got the results in for the fuzz follicle experiment i submitted of my wives mane … the levels of thc were pretty high( i expected this as we both smoked marijauna together for a very long time ). The levels of Methamphetamine that was coming were through the ceiling … 2000 pg/ mg and the cutoff for testing is 200. This whole time i am beating myself up …. thinking of what a piece of shit i am and how ive let down and ruined my family( which i did afterall) and she is doing exactly what she is accusing and crucifying me over. My son when we hung out told me he “ve missed” … i said i miss you too buddy well be hanging out alot more here soon. He then said … i miss my momma too …..? i said what are you talking about you guys are together all the time. He siad she ever takes me to papas live or she stays in her room with the door locked and wont let me in. She has been acting different and now i know why …. i am concerned about her as she is completely pulling away from me and engaging me on every level possible. Last-place week i was taken to jail on the day i got back form labouring another hitch and was getting ready to pick up my lad from clas … i was parked in the driveway of my house when the regional pd pulled up and made me to jail for breach of a shield lineup. I bonded out the next day and then sunday before “i m leaving” back to work i was dropping off coin, a couple of other things for their own families. The next day about 30 min after i got the results on the mane follicle assessment i got a call from my lawyer informing me my spouse called the DA said she saw me at the house last-place night and they were filing a motion to revoke my alliance. i have been working through all of this and paying all of our mutual monies …. killing myself inside just scared of the future without my wife. Come to find out she is flying high as fuck on meth …. I have law tomorrow and may go to jail for awhile because of the whole bond thing … the only reason i was close to the house was to drop off money for her and my son at a sit where she asked a question to drop it off …? I am scared and if i go to jail i may lose my job …. eventually i am scared of losing my family but it seems that may already be the case. There is more to the story i am not sure and unable to prove but guess she may be pregnant …. and i also think it is another mans baby.( this i am unsure of but have a suspicion that is why she wanted me to file for divorce so fast ). She has been solid for 8 years and stood by my side through alot …. with this evidence i have of my son gazing high over video chat and her mane follicle upshots i have a good chance at repudiating anything she says tomorrow at court but this would ultimately ruin her life( extremely if shes pregnant and ultimately that are harmful to my lad) i would like to get ahead of this and somehow get ahold of her( i was just thinking about calling her brother or momma perhaps) to let her know that i love now and have this info and i can prove shes been going high and that she shouldnt try to lie tomorrow at courtroom to get me put in jail because i will have to use the info i have against her to save myself. Ultimately that they are able to most probably situated my lad in promote maintenance … I cant contact her because of the restraining order and it is showing that she is not playing nice … she isnt thinking straight-out. What should i do ????? should “i m calling” her friend tell him what i know and that im worried and ask him to talk to her? Does she still affection me and just not foreseeing straight-shooting or is it over? I feel like if she is pregnant from somebody else i could at least try and look past it and truly forgive her and move on … doing things differently and sober and be happy. what do i do? how can i save my bride and kid. I feel like she is seemingly happier without me but i also dont speculate she is herself … can it be saved? Should I precisely chill TF out?

to be presented by / u/ milehighPapi [ tie ] [ observation ]